i am confused

in the midst of glowing roses;
i felt like i planted them all;
many wanted to smell but they could not;
i knew their difference smells;

i said i wanted to smell only one;
the more i smelled one themore i wanted to smell more;
my heart was never content;
my eyes led me astray from myself;
my human mind decieved me;

i thought i will stop but i did not;
why i'm i stealing from myself;
why i'm dirting the pot full of healthy milk;
how do i turn away from the medicine for my recovery;
my spirit is unsettled like a hungry eagle above the waters;

yes the i tried to wave my thoughts by getting one rose;
yet i was still empty;
i went for the second rose;
i also felt as i'm not visible;
for there are many roses in this field;
for all of them smell differently;

i can not finish them;
i only need one.

How do i feel

how do i feel when we fight;
how do i feel when i see tears on your cheeks;
how do i feel when i dont know myself;
i feel i lost myself to dogs of the world;

how do i feel when you hide your face from me;
how do i feel when african children i assasinated;
how do i feel when the sun set before me;
how do i feel when you are so far but you are close to me:
i feel that i failed to do myself and justice

how do i feel on our first aurgument;
how do i feel when i'm being impossible to her;
how do i feel when all i tried fails;
how do i feel when she needs my shoulder and i'm not there;
i feel not to be deserving her;

i feel a heavy cloud upon the earth;
i feel no lover and no sweet anymore
please forgive me for my insensitivity.